The Phrases from A Parent That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader reluctance to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."